What I Hope My Son Learns From His Father

Because there isn’t a parent in the world that is perfect, but my son’s father is the perfect parent for him.

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No parent is perfect.

Not a single one.

And because there isn’t a flawless mother or father, chances are kids pick up a few bad habits from their parents.

I mean, thanks to the Seattle Seahawks and my sailor mouth, I’m relatively positive my son’s first complete sentence will involve curse words and the ramblings of a horrible offensive line.

And while I adore my partner and the father of our son, he is far from perfect as well. There are things he does and characteristics he calls his own, that I hope my son does not pick up and take with him as he grows into a fully-functioning adult.

But there are so many qualities I hope my son learns from his father, too.

I hope my son learns how to communicate like his father. There isn’t a moment, situation, particular day or difficult topic that his father and I cannot talk about. Any subject, from the mundane to the monumental, is spoken about in soft tones, carrying our feelings across a table or couch to the other person; carefully, considerably and with purpose. No matter the issue or concern, his father makes me feel like my voice is important and my feelings are valid.

I hope my son learns how to be affectionate like his father. Pride or a societal standard of masculinity doesn’t keep his father from showing the people he loves that he does, in fact, love them.

I hope my son learns that his mental and physical health are just as important as any woman’s. His father has been through some difficult, dangerous situations, some involving women and their belief that – because they’re women – they had the right to hit or mock or hurt him. The ways in which his father demanded better from those around him, or left those situations in search for better, is a powerful reminder that no person – man or women – should make you feel like you’re worthless.

I hope he learns how to cook like his father. Because, you know, hello deliciousness.

I hope he gets his work ethic from his father. While I procrastinate and often require an anxiety-inducing countdown in order to complete tasks, his father is always ready to work hard; even at things he doesn’t necessarily want to do. His father spends the majority of his time laboring or learning so that he can provide for his family, instead of lamenting or complaining.

I hope my son learns to be humble like his father. Rarely does his father boast or brag about his many capabilities. He acknowledges the sexiness in subtly. He realizes that regardless of his knowledge or accomplishments, there is always more to learn and do.

I hope my son looks like his father. Alright, alright, clearly that can’t be learned but he is handsome, so there.

I hope my son learns to use his privilege, like his father. Our son has been born into a relatively stable, lower-middle class family that doesn’t live paycheck-to-paycheck and, while they don’t have very much, we do not want for much either. There are far too many who cannot say the same. Our son will, one day, be a man, and that alone will afford him opportunities that others won’t be given. Like his father, I hope he learns to use his advantages to help others, while acknowledging that he does, in fact, have them.

I hope my son learns to be proud of his accomplishments, like his father. Hard work and dedication are worthy of praise and if you can’t stop and appreciate the fruits of your labor, or allow yourself a moment of lazy happiness, then I struggle to find the point.

So, while I hope my son doesn’t become a Green Bay Packers fan or doesn’t lean more to the political right or doesn’t like that much ice cream, like his father, I do hope he learns to communicate and be affectionate like his father. I do hope he stands up for himself and works hard and is humble, like his father. I hope he cooks and can be proud of himself and acknowledge his privilege, like his father.

Because there isn’t a parent in the world that is perfect, but my son’s father is the perfect parent for him.

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Photo: Getty Images

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