Alex Barnett shares 10 tips he plans to offer his son about Valentine’s Day.
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As Valentine’s Day approaches, it occurred to me that soon I will need to give our son some advice about dating and relationships. And, as part and parcel of that, I feel obliged to offer him some tips for Valentine’s Day. So, even though he’s 3, and it’s a little bit early, here’s what I plan to tell him.
1. Yes, it’s a made-up holiday. You still have to buy a card.
2. By the way, no joke cards. And no lewd ones either. If you can’t find something you like, buy a blank card and write: “Dear [fill in name], Happy Valentine’s Day!”
3. Oh, and when you sign your name to the card, don’t write “Love” unless you mean it. If you’re not sure, or if you don’t love the person, just put “XOXO” and then your name.
4. Oh, and don’t forget flowers.
5. By the way, better to buy one really pristine rose than some bouquet that looks as if you stole it from a cheap undertaker.
6. A gift? Depends on how long you’ve been together. If you’ve known the person for less than 6 months, a small trinket is fine. On the other hand, if it’s for your spouse, just staying out of his or her hair for a whole day is probably the best gift you can give.
7. No, you don’t have to spend exorbitant amounts of money on a rip-off, price-hiked-up-just-for-Valentines-Day dinner at a restaurant. But if you don’t, you better get a damn good bottle of wine, and you better know how to cook something besides cereal.
8. Avoid making references to the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre. First of all, most people don’t know what that is. Second, you don’t want to give your “special someone” any ideas.
10. No matter what happens, just remember it’s only one day a year. You can live through anything for just one day.
Photo: Kate_Williams/Flick
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